haxx0rgunman birthday


Inconsequential Lurker spent his birthday as he spent all his days, inconsequentially lurking around his dingy, one room apartment. He woke up at 5:00 and began lurking about until noon, when his stomach could stand to be empty no longer and he sucked down a glass of cold oatmeal with a straw.

His hunger satisfied, he returned to lurking. Only a few more hours, he thought. Then all my friends from CWAL will come to my party. What a time we'll have then. But then, a horrible thought dawned on him.

There was no one in CWAL he could call a true friend. In all his years of lurking in the shadows, he had never tried once to reach out and make a new friend. Now, on his birthday of all days, he realized the value of true friendship.

He sat down and wept until he could weep no more. Then, he produced a pen and some old torn paper from the rags he called clothes. There, at his small table, he began to write a poem.

I have no friends
And so I weep
At my kitchen table.
To have a friend
Is to take a flower
And let it take bloom in your heart.
Why has friendship eluded me?
Though I have chased it all these years
Still, it has fled into the woods
I am terrified to enter the woods
Why?
I do not know.


He stopped and read his work and knew he was a genius. This poem was the single most beautiful thing written in the history of the world. And it was his. His to do with what he pleased. He needed no friends, for now his poem would be his only companion.

As he began planning his next step, there was a knock at his door. What? Perhaps I was wrong! Truly, I do have friends on this day! He opened the door, expecting to see a familiar face. But the face he saw was a little too familiar.

It was haxx0r gunman's. Inconsequential Lurker had received the transmissions from CWAL headquarters about this man. If seen, he was to be terminated immediately. He drew back into his apartment as haxx0r gunman stepped in.

All of his years of lurking, he knew, were meant for this one moment. If only he could destroy haxx0r gunman, then he was guaranteed friends and poems alike. He smiled and prepared for attack.

Only to be turned into nothing more than a smear against the wall by a mighty 2x haxx0r bolt. haxx0r gunman had triumphed over the tricks of CWAL once again.

"Looks like you had your cake, and ate it too." He spat on the remains of Inconsequential Lurker before torching the apartment with his flame unit and returning to his journey on the streets outside.