haxx0rgunman gold


It was a sunny summer day. haxx0r gunman had chosen to take this day to rest and relax. He was walking through the park, whistling a tune of pain and sorrow, yet also joy. This is a nice day, by the standards of my fellow man. Myself, I am not even worthy of such things as standards.

He sighed and looked ahead. This was not a day purely for pleasure, however much he might wish it were. He had to get information from a man in the park. That man was Justin Gil.

Justin Gil was a wiry, 45 year old Texan with a nose for news. Everyone knew that when information was what you needed, Gil was the man to talk to. At least, if you had the cash. haxx0r gunman had his techno credits ready.

He could smell the tequila on Gil's breath from a few yards away. Damn. He's back on the bottle. This may complicate things. Gil smiled as he looked up and recognized haxx0r gunman.

"H.G.! Partner! How y'all been doing?" His words were slurred and slightly difficult for haxx0r gunman to make out. He shook his head in disgust.

"Look Gil, I need information, and I need you to be straight with me, alright?"

Gil hiccuped and smiled wider. "Sure thing, partner. What do y'all want?"

"I need any information on CWAL you can give me."

Gil quieted his slurring to a whisper "CWAL? Something like that might cost a little extra." haxx0r gunman gave him the appropriate amount of techno credits. Gil hushed his voice even lower, so haxx0r gunman had to lean in close to hear. "Alright, the secret of CWAL is that . . . . they're all homofags." He paused to hiccup. "Every last one of 'em is a damned homofag. And that's the truth."

"I mean, look at 'em. When they're not too busy calling eachother 'fag' to do anything else, they just use lame jokes from cartoons to defend their forum from any alien presence. Doesn't that sound pretty homofaggy to you?"

haxx0r gunman nodded at the drunk's wisdom in amazement. Of course they were all homofags. It all made sense now. A very important piece of the puzzle had just fallen into place.

haxx0r gunman knelt before Gil and clasped his hands together. "Praise Buddha, and praise you, honorable Gil!" He then bowed his head in respect and slowly stood back up.

Gil stood there smiling, obviously quite verine. Suddenly, he then fell to the pavement, violently snapping his neck and instantly killing him. haxx0r gunman once again shook his head.

"One for his homies, and one too many for himself." In the ancient ritual he had performed so many times, he drew his 2x haxx0r gun and ceremoniously blasted the already-dead corpse into scorched chunks. Then he laughed and sang in the language of the Shaolin and danced a dance of prayers and revelation. He knew the spirit of his friend was being honored on this day.

Confident that the man's spirit had been done justice, he stood and gathered his belongings. Another day, another death. It is almost as if I have become death and the man, no, the thing that was haxx0r gunman is now nothing more than a distant memory. Oh, to be a boy again. My old Shaolin master would comfort me in my time of need.

But he had no Shaolin master now. He had only the cold metasteel of his 2x haxx0r gun to comfort him, and that was certainly not what it was best at. No, it, like me, is suited only for one thing. Killing. But why must it be this way? Once again without answers to his own questions, haxx0r gunman resumed his seemingly endless journey.