The Young haxx0rgunman Chronicles, pt. IV

From his hiding place in a patch of bushes, a young haxx0r gunman carefully eyed his newest target, an apple pie cooling on a nearby windowsill. Old Mrs. Jenkins' pies won the blue ribbon at the Bucks County Fair every year, and haxx0r gunman could see why. Even with his extensive haxx0r gunman's tastes, he still found the pies delicious, unfortunately Mrs. Jenkins had the nasty habit of charging for her services. Of course, a true haxx0r gunman never pays for pies. He sized up the situation and, when the time was right, made his move.

Springing from the bushes at a seemingly inhuman speed, he very quickly reached the window and then nonchalantly dived through it, drawing his haxx0rgun v0.5 Beta as the glass shattered around him. Mrs. Jenkins, who was washing dishes in her kitchen sink, didn't even have time to scream before six of the most lethal haxx0rbullets ever violated her mortality.

haxx0r gunman was well on his way to finishing the pie before she hit the floor. He casually glanced out the window while he was taking his last bites, and noticed Man'ek Man'ok, one of the other haxx0r gunmen stationed there in town, racing down the street. After crashing through another of the Jenkins' windows, haxx0r gunman hit the ground running.

He caught up with Man'ek Man'ok several blocks down. Both men kept up their pace as haxx0r gunman called out.

"Man'ek Man'ok, my friend! Where do you run to, in such a hurry?"

"Oh, haxx0r gunman, must you still be so young and foolish? The call has gone out, boy! All haxx0r gunmen, even you n00bz, must report to the nearest haxx0r station immediately!"

A rush of anger flared up inside haxx0r gunman. It was true, he had not yet been permitted by the high haxx0r council to take the final haxx0rtrials and graduate from n00b to a fully fledged haxx0r gunman. But there were few out of all the haxx0r gunmen in the world that doubted his skill, and it was only a matter of time before they would have to let him take the trials.

"Man'ek Man'ok, as haxx0r gunmen, you and I both know that it is only a matter of time before my upgrades complete. And when that day comes, then I shall come. For you."

Man'ek Man'ok narrowed his eyes and increased his speed, and haxx0r gunman didn't bother trying to keep up. He'd leave his fellow haxx0r gunman for another day, for now he must head to the haxx0r station down the street. And so he did.

Things were in a state of utter chaos as he arrived. haxx0r gunmen were everywhere, rushing left and right and clammering noisily. It wasn't long before haxx0r gunman spotted the familiar form of his father, Steve gunman, standing above the crowd trying to restore some order.

"Quiet! Quiet, please! We'll never get anywhere if we don't all just settle down!" Just as the elder gunman's pleas seemed in vain, the crowd was silenced by the sound of a haxx0rbullet, fired into the air by the haxx0rgun v0.5 Beta.

"That's better. Now I believe my father had something to say."

The old man frowned at haxx0r gunman. "You'll all forgive my son, I hope. He still often resorts to such unconvention methods, despite all his haxx0r training."

haxx0r gunman's gaze fell to the floor as his heart filled with shame.

"Anyway, if there are no more interruptions, allow me to tell you all why you have been summoned here." A projector at the back of the room flicked on and displayed the image of a man on the wall. The man looked somewhat ill-tempered and was dressed in old army fatigues. A few nervous whispers spread through the room, as apparently some of the other haxx0r gunmen were familiar with this man.

"This is one Roberto Phet. Bounty hunter. Puerto Rican. And commissioned by an unknown source to kill not just one or two, but all 1337 of the haxx0r gunmen." The whispers rose to a dull murmur as the haxx0r gunmen mulled over their fate.

"Quiet, please. Now, it is true that none, not even haxx0r gunmen, who have stood against Phet have survived. But working together, we will not be defeated so easily. We-" Steve gunman was interrupted once more, this time by a sinister laugh echoing from the back of the room. The crowd parted to reveal a heavily-armed Roberto Phet with a sadistic grin on his face.

"But how can you sheep defeat the wolf when he is already upon you!?" The events that followed were a blur, and haxx0r gunman was never completely sure if it was Phet or one of the other haxx0r gunmen who fired first, but within seconds the air was filled with haxx0rbullets and normal bullets alike. haxx0r gunman dived for cover behind a newly-overturned table, and found Man'ek Man'ok already crouched there, his own haxx0rrifle clutched in his hands.

"So, haxx0r gunman, here we meet on the battlefield. But the enemy is not one another, but a crazed assailant. One with the chance of extinguishing the burning wildfire that is the haxx0r gunmen. We must not let that happen, and so we must set our differences aside, if only for a day, and fight the greater evil."

haxx0r gunman nodded and smiled a devil's smile. He then extended an open hand to his companion.

"Live free, Man'ek Man'ok!" The other man clasped haxx0r gunman's hand in his own and performed the ancient haxx0rshake, a ritual passed down form haxx0r gunman to haxx0r gunman for generation.

"Die well, haxx0r gunman!"

The two men leapt from their cover, and let loose all the fury of hell.