nohaxx0rgunman

In a darkened underground chamber, a secret meeting of an elite syndicate convened. The members all came from different lives, different positions in the government, but they had a common enemy. That enemy was haxx0r gunman. The man sitting at the head of the table cleared his throat and spoke.

"Gentlemen, I'm glad you could all make it on such short notice. As you may or may not know, the President was assassinated today by none other than haxx0r gunman. While this does indeed end up making our work considerably easier, there is still the question of why? Does haxx0r gunman have information he shouldn't? Or was this simply another of his spur-of-the-moment murders? Anyway, it has become clear that we must eliminate haxx0r gunman ASAP!" Several members of the syndicate nodded their heads and murmured in agreement. "Because of this, I've called in an expert. Gentlemen, meet haxx0r gunman's shadow."

A man walked into the room and stood behind the speaker's chair. Another man at the table stood. "This is ridiculous, this man isn't haxx0r gunman's shadow! He doesn't even resemble him!"

The newcomer shook his head "Of course I'm not actually haxx0r gunman's shadow. You know that, and I know that, but does haxx0r gunman know that?" He let the suspense build in the room for a few seconds. "No. And that is precisely what gives me an advantage where others have failed."

Smiles spread through the room as the men realized the brilliance of his plan. "Using this disguise, I will be able to infiltrate haxx0r gunman's inner-most sanctum and then utterly obliterate him. His haxx0r-speaking days are almost over" Slowly, applause began to sound from one of the men, then another, until everyone was clapping upexcendedly. Everyone except for a small, timid looking man at the opposite end of the table. Everyone turned to look at him as he stood and the applause died down.

His voice was surprisingly loud for such a small man. "This all seems good enough, but, er, has haxx0r gunman ever actually used haxx0r-speak?" The man who called himself haxx0r gunman's shadow stood there, puzzled. He failed to see the relevance of the question.

"I guess I'm just nitpicking, but I've never actually heard him use haxx0r-speak. Sure, everytime you hear some CWALer talking about him, it's haxx0r this and j00 that, but has anyone ever heard him say anything that could be considered even remotely haxx0r? I mean, I'm all for killing him, but to spread rumors? Come on guys, I think we can all do a little better than that." Before anyone could respond, though, a 2x haxx0r bolt tore the man's head clean off. Standing in the doorway, the barrel of his 2x haxx0r gun smoking, was haxx0r gunman.

"Am I on the right floor?" Security guards stationed near the door began to draw their own weapons but were quickly blasted by a series of 2x haxx0r bolts. Then he leveled the gun at his so-called shadow.

"haxx0r gunman! What do you want!?" the man asked him, his body shaking with fear.

But haxx0r gunman didn't answer. Instead, he reached into his belt kit and drew out a single explodo-grenade. He pulled the pin and tossed the grenade right onto the center of the table, and then finally spoke.

"j00 R all 1337 fuxx0red NoW!" he cried, and then smiled as all the members of the syndicate were engulfed in a glorious burst of explodo-flames. Then he turned and walked from the room.

That evening, haxx0r gunman stood on a cliff over the ocean, and watched the sun sink behind the water. Some might call this beautiful. I call it needless! He screamed with rage and fired 2x haxx0r bolt after 2x haxx0r bolt into the evening sky. When will this end? How much more do I have to take?

Not having any answers to these questions, haxx0r gunman turned and walked away.