haxx0r gunman's Cybertech Systems Space Cruiser, the oWnD 1, soared through the lifeless void of space. haxx0r gunman was staring out the viewscreen when the ship's onboard computer sounded the tiny alert.
"Attention, haxx0r gunman," said a voice almost more emotionless than haxx0r gunman's own. "We will arrive on the planet Gorillia in approximately one hour."
"Thank you, computer. Now, one hyper-shake." The ship's duplicator instantly generated a tasty hyper-shake, which haxx0r gunman quickly downed. Satisfied, he let himself slip into a deep sleep.
He woke up to the blaring sound of the ship's red alert alarm. Something was very wrong. He looked out the viewscreen to see a planet looming directly ahead, and getting larger by the second. "Computer! Damage report!"
The computer was slow responding, not a good sign. "T-T-The oWnD 1 has been h-h-hit with a-a-an asteroid. Hull integ-teg-tegrity has been breached. Collision with un-un-unidentified planet in T-minus th-th-three minutes."
haxx0r gunman stared at the planet, deep in thought. Some things . . . some things a man never plans to do. But desperate times . . . As a desperate last resort, haxx0r gunman raised his fist high above his head, and then brought it crashing down on the auto-repair button.
The auto-repair systems hummed to life, and within a few seconds, all damage to the ship had been repaired, and it leveled itself out and slowed to a halt.
haxx0r gunman sighed with relief. Today, indeed, was a good day to be a haxx0r gunman.
The computer's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Shall I continue on the course to Gorillia?"
"No. There's . . . something about this planet. I sense . . ." he paused, as if trying to feel something from the world below him. "I sense the truth." Determined to find just that, he took the ships controls and zoomed down into the planet's atmosphere.
He landed in a dense jungle. Stepping off the oWnD 1, he was pleased to find that the planet had a breathable atmosphere. Well, I guess that saves me the trouble of suffocation. He then headed off into the jungle, in search of only one thing.
It wasn't long before he found something, but it wasn't at all the truth. As he tore a path through the dense brush, he heard what sounded like a horse approaching. So, there is animal life on this planet after all, when I was beginning to think it might have been all only a jungle. A jungle of lies.
He headed in the direction of whatever was making the sounds, and it seemed to be getting closer to him as well. Finally he burst out of the trees into a small clearing. On the other side of the clearing, it was indeed a horse that stepped out of the jungle, but riding was not a man, but an ape!
"A human with clothing? Ridiculous!" the ape said, seemingly to himself. It then rode towards haxx0r gunman, drawing some kind of a snare device.
Almost as second nature, haxx0r gunman drew his trusty 2x haxx0rgun and aimed for the ape. "Keep your snare off me, you cursed, filthy ape!"
The ape looked shocked. "You . . . you can talk!?"
haxx0r gunman smiled grimly. "I can kill." Before the ape had any idea what was going on, he was knocked off his horse, and out of life, by a 2x haxx0rbolt. "Monkey see, monkey die."
He leapt onto the ape's horse, and headed off in what he believed to be the direction it had come from. It wasn't long at all before his theory proved true, as he once again burst from the jungle to find himself on the outskirts of a large town. But not a town of people, as he had seen on so many other worlds, but a town of apes. What kind of an awful, backwards world is this???
Within one hour, all the apes were dead. 2x haxx0rbolts didn't discriminate between apes and humans. They killed without prejudice or hatred. They killed for one single thing: the truth. Satisfied that his work was done, he headed back to the jungle, following his instincts this time, and not some ape. His instincts served him well, and after several hours he came to a beach on a vast, vast ocean.
Following the shoreline for several miles, he eventually came across a large statue. But as he neared it, he realized it wasn't just any statue. It was the Statue of Gorillia Liberty.
So . . . it was Gorillia all along. Madmen. A single 2x haxx0rbolt was all it took to totally destroy the behemoth structure. Seeing that there was no more truth for him, he returned to the oWnD 1 and set off into the void of space once more.